The Science Of Falling In Love

Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time

-Maya Angelou

Introduction

Love is frequently described as heartwarming, heartbreaking, or both. So, what role does the brain play in this? From the first spark to the last tear, everything is guided by a symphony of neurochemicals and brain systems.

Infatuation

As you begin to develop feelings for someone. You might find yourself daydreaming about them and wanting to spend more and more time with them. Psychologists refer to this first stage of love as infatuation or passionate love. Your new relationship can be almost euphoric. That is not far from the truth when it comes to the brain. Individuals who are in love have increased activation in the ventral tegmental area.

VTA(ventral tegmental area)

The VTA is the brain’s reward-processing and motivation hub, firing when you do things like eat a sweat treat, drink water, or, in more extreme cases, use drugs of abuse. The “feel-good” neurotransmitter dopamine is released during activation, teaching your brain to repeat behaviours in anticipation of receiving the same initial reward.

Because of this increased VTA activity, falling in love is not only euphoric but also draws you towards your new partner. It may be difficult to see any flaws in your new perfect partner at this early stage. This haze is caused by the influence of love on the higher cortical brain region. Some newly infatuated people have decreased activity in the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s cognitive centre.

It’s not surprising that we tend to see new relationships through rose-colored glasses because activation of this region allows us to engage in critical thought and pass judgement. While the first stage of love can be a roller-coaster of emotions and brain activity, it typically lasts only a few months before giving way to the more long-lasting stage of love, known as attachment or compassionate love.

compassionate love

You may become more relaxed and committed to your partner as your relationship progresses. They signal trust, feelings of social support, and attachment in part because of two hormones known as pair bonding hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin. In this way, romantic love is similar to other types of love in that these hormones help to bond families and friendships.

Furthermore, oxytocin has the ability to inhibit the release of stress hormones, which is why spending time with a loved one can be so relaxing. As the suspension of judgement associated with early love fades, it can be replaced by a more honest understanding and deeper connection. Alternatively, as your rose-colored glasses begin to fade, issues in your relationship may become more apparent.

Rejection

A relationship ends for any number of reasons. We can blame the brain for the pain that comes with heartbreak. The distress of a breakup activates the insular cortex, a region that processes pain—both physical, such as spraining your ankle, and social, such as rejection feelings.

As time passes, you may find yourself daydreaming about or craving contact with your ex-partner. The desire to help may feel overwhelming, similar to extreme hunger or thirst. Looking at photos of a former partner increases activity in the VTA, the motivation and reward centre that drove feelings of longing during the early stages of the relationship.

This emotional whirlwind is also likely to set off your body’s alarm system, the stress response, leaving you shaken and restless. Higher cortical regions, which oversee reasoning and impulse control, can eventually put a stop to this distress and craving signalling. Given that these areas are still maturing and connecting during adolescence. It’s no surprise that the first heartbreak can be excruciating.

Exercise, socialising with friends, or even listening to your favourite song can all trigger this heartbreak stress response while also releasing the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine. And, given enough time and support, most people can recover from even the most devastating heartbreak.

Oh, lost world, how vast and empty,
Yet, once, it was a place of plenty.
My heart, it yearned for a guiding light,
And in that darkness, you shone so bright.

You were my everything, my shining star,
A beacon in a world both near and far.
Your love, it lifted me to new heights,
And filled my life with joy and delights.

But now, alas, you’re gone from me,
And I am lost in this vast sea.
The memories of you, they still remain,
But they only serve to increase the pain.

Oh, how I long to hold you tight,
And feel your love surround me with its light.
But fate has dealt a cruel hand,
And left me stranded in this lonely land.

Yet, still, my heart beats with a fierce desire,
For the one who set my soul afire.
And though we may be worlds apart,
You’ll always be the keeper of my heart.

So, here’s to you, my lost love,
May you soar on wings of a dove.
And though our paths may never cross again,
My love for you will always remain.

-Minahil Imdad

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